Book Review: Dhampir

Finally, a good book that happens to have vampires in it. Why are there so few of these?

THE BASICS: For years, Magiere has conned peasants out of their money under the guise of a vampire hunter. In truth though, the "vampire" is her partner, a half-elf named Leesil, who she pretends to kill on a weekly basis. With Leesil's wolf-like dog, Chap, the three had wandered for years using this ruse as a way for easy money. Magiere, though, wishes to retire from the job, and saves up enough to by a tavern in a town near the sea. But their reputation has preceded them, and when three real vampires already living in the town decide to dispose of them, Magiere and Leesil find themselves in a little over their heads.

THE CHARACTERS: The characters are easily the best part of this book and the relationship and personalities of the two protagonists is easily one of my favorite parts. Magierie is condescending and blunt and, with her slightly gothic look, could have easily been a caricature of pretty much all lame fantasy book heroins. But unlike most fantasy heroins, she's well-rounded and isn't a total bee-yotch.

Leesil is funny, friendly, somewhat of an alcoholic, and gives the story the rather dry humor it needs. He's the polar opposite of his surly counterpart and knows just how to push her buttons. Also, despite forever being mentioned second, he's not a secondary character. He's just as much as main character as Magiere, sometimes more so in later books.

The bad-guys of the story, namely the three vampires, are probably some of the greatest villains to ever be written. I liked them. I honestly almost wanted them to win. And in some ways, that was their flaw- they were too likable. This is a problem that continues throughout the rest of the series, namely, almost all the villains are too sympathetic and likable. Although as far as fatal flaws go, I think this is an acceptable one.

TECHNICAL STUFF: The writing is very well done. The perspective changes are great and the voice of each character is unique and fitting. Magiere's point of view is blunt and authoritative. Leesil's point of view is humorous and witty. And all the supporting characters whose views it's ever from is always given a different outlook.

THE THEME: There are several different messages one could get from this book. One of the more uplifting is something along the lines of "sometimes you need to be willing to accept help from others". Also * Potential Spoiler* there is a less positive message and that is "sometimes, you can get away with living a lie". *End Spoiler*

OVERALL: I really loved this book. It hooks you from the start and in my opinion, there's honestly not a dull moment throughout the entire book. It's a great introduction to the "Noble Dead" series, about which more reviews will definitely be popping up, and is highly recommended to all (intelligent) fans of (intelligent) fantasy. (Yes, unfortunately I do have to specify).

GRADE: A

Book Review: New Moon

Once again, I read this book about a year ago, so if I forget any "important" details (if there are any in that book) then I apologize in advance. Kind of.

NOTE: There is at least one spoiler in this review and so I'll be giving an advanced warning just in case someone actually cares. I'll probably start doing that with all my reviews.

THE BASICS: The book begins with Bella's 18th birthday party which is held at the Cullen's house. Bella, being the idiot she is, lands herself with a papercut from wrapping paper which drives Jasper, one of the many Cullen brothers, bonkers and he attempts to eat her. If only the rest of the book were this happy.

Because of this, Edward decides that it's too dangerous for him to be around Bella anymore so he leaves. And it's just that abrupt. He pulls her aside one day, tells her he's leaving, and then boom, he's gone. No more sparklpire.

Bella then isolates herself from all her friends for a few months and becomes totally emo in her grief for Edward's departure (and I am not exaggerating that. She seriously stays depressed for months). She is, however, drawn out of her emoness by her friend Jacob Black, who was in the first book but no one actually payed attention to that. But of course, Bella attracts mythical monsters, so it all goes downhill from there.

TECHNICAL STUFF: This book suffers from the same flaws as it's predecessor- namely, the narration sucks. I am eternally grateful, however, that we weren't forced to sit through the entire Bella emo moments.

THE THEME: This time, the message is a little more positive than the one given in Twilight simply due to the fact that Edward barely makes and appearance. But even so, his influence is reeked throughout. Bella's depression over him leaving is depressing. It also ground in the fact that without him, Bella Sue has nothing. She'd isolated herself from her friends because he didn't like them, she had a shaky relationship with her dad from all the lying done about him, and she had no hobbies that didn't include him. He'd had complete control over her life.

OVERALL: This book is very different from it's predecessor in the sense that there's very little lovey-doveyness in it. As a result, I can't really say whether it's better or worse. Jacob Black, Bella's new friend, is a surprisingly well written character and the saving value to this book. Without him, the story would have been boring as heck. *Spoilers* Equipped with both snark and werewolfness, he's a perfect rival to Edward's "perfection" and vampireness. *End Spoiler*

GRADE: C

Book Review: Twilight

I probably should have done this when I first read the book about a year ago. But hey, better late than never right? And with the movie about to come out on DVD, what better time to discuss the book?

NOTE: There will be spoilers in this review. If for some reason you haven't read them or at least don't know the story, you may not want to continue reading.

THE BASICS: Twilight, begins about the same way as the Twilight movie, namely, some angsty teenage girl named Isabella Swan, Bella for short, who is pretty and perfect moves in with her father for unknown reasons and hates her new life, despite the fact that she chose to go there, and hates the people 'cause they're so dang friendly. Until one day, she meets this emo, pale looking boy who always talks about her death and how dangerous he is. He is, and I quote, a "god-like", "gorgeous", and "spawn of Adonis" type being and we are annoyingly reminded of that fact ever other paragraph (and I am not kidding on that). Also, he's a vampire who wants to eat her. I don't know about you, but this would kind of turn me off.

But of course, Bella, being obviously retarded, falls in love with him and declares that she "can't live without him" and Edward, as the emo vamp is called, feels the same way. They've seen each other for little over a month when that statement is said.

TECHNICAL STUFF: Despite being around 600 pages long, this book can be swallowed in less than a day. One, because it's in large print, and two, because the writing is disturbingly simple. Reading this book, I felt I was being talked down to. The word usage is...... questionable. It felt like the author went through with a thesaurus and just changed all the words to something fancy.

THE THEME: This book has a surprisingly negative message it's giving to people, young girls especially, as they are the target audience. I think the message the author was trying to give was the basic "true love conquers all" type thing and, while this does kind of work when forcibly inserted, the message I got was completely different. Bella's life completely circled around Edward. All her time was spent with him or thinking about him and all her hobbies had something to do with him. Edward however, did have hobbies and had a life, however drab and mellow. He made all the decision and, if Bella ever disagreed, he would woo her into seeing it his way. This screams abusive relationship. Now, perhaps if this had been an actual plot device and the author had used this, then I would have been ok with it. Because it wouldn't have been so masked in fluff and romance. Now, what is this teaching little preteen girls?

OVERALL: I don't hate this book. While it's kind of stupid at times, it has it's clever vices. Also, the mythology is very interesting. With the exception of the "glittering" I think it's almost better than normal mythos. Is the book good? No. It's actually really bad. Not apocalypticly bad though ( I reserve that title for some of the other in the series). But it really tries to be liked, and in that it succeeds more than it fails.

GRADE: C

Why I Didn't Like the "Twilight" Movie

I've probably already risked my life in just mentioning the above word in a disparaging way. So heck, since I'm already going to die, I might as well keep going.

The other day, I saw the "Twilight" movie for the first time in the dollar theater. I'm not a huge fan of the books, (that's a post for another day) but I was willing to be entertained by the movie nonetheless. Man oh man, that movie was bad. It wasn't obnoxiously bad so I don't hate it but wow, for a movie about forbidden love and basic teenage angst, it sure was boring. I can honestly say that nothing interesting happened until the end, and by that point, it was too late.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past four years, "Twilight" is about a girl named Mary-Sue, *cough* excuse me, I mean Bella Swan, who goes across the country, for reason pretty much unexplained, to live with her dad in Forks, Washington. She is pretty and perfect and hates her new school because all the people are so dang friendly and nice and just won't leave her along long enough for her to cry her little emo tears. Until one day, she sees this totally hot pale guy who gives her death glares and talks frequently about killing her. *Spoiler* He's a vampire. Oh dang.

Anyway, the music score was over-dramatic, the acting was, at times, laughable, and the story felt lacking. This is suppose to be an emotionaly charged story. So why was there so little emotion?

I lied. The admission price for adults is $8.