Sunday, January 9, 2011

Random Blurb: That New Metroid Game

(In case anyone is concerned, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to actually blog. So yeah.)

As is normal, when my brother got Metroid: Other M for Christmas, I was the only one who actually played it. Same old same old really. What I didn't expect was for it to-

Oh, what was that Adam? I have your permission to put up a picture now?


Much better. Anyway, what I didn't expect was for it to be so story driven. For any of you Metroid veterans out there, you know what I'm talking about. Metroid games have always focused on the action and weaponry- in this one, Samus even has a voice actress. And she inner-monologues... all the time... Which is fine I guess... I mean, she's been silent for the last 30 years or so- it's about time she got her opinions out there.

But to be entirely honest, I almost preferred it when she didn't talk. Because then at least-

Oh, what was that Adam? I have your permission to begin criticizing? You're just too good to me.

At least she could use mutism as an excuse not to stand up for herself.

'Cause I mean SERIOUSLY woman! Aren't you the most feared/respected bounty hunter in the galaxy? Haven't you faced countless alien onslaughts? Haven't you defeated some of the most feared villains in the universe?

And yet you lack the self-respect to stand up to major douche-

Oh, what was that Adam? No, no- I wasn't talking about you. I would never do anything as horrible as that.

I have your permission to begin analysis of positive things? You are a saint.

The story (which is still pretty awesome) begins with our hero, Samus Aran, flying around in her spaceship (Why? Because she can.) when she receives a distress signal from a nearby space station. She decides to investigate and ends up coming across a group of soldiers from the Galactic Federation who also responded to the signal. Turns out, *cue flashback* she used to know some of these guys back when she herself formerly worked for the GF (key words being "used to" and "formerly"). The leader of this mission turns out to be her former commanding officer Adam Malkovich. And let me tell you, they slip right back into those old roles real fast.

Somethin' fishy's going on at the space station, so Samus agrees to stick around and help these poor losers out. But then, they all start being picked off one by one by an unknown traitor.

So yeah, a bit of a mystery going on there.

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... Sorry, I was just waiting for Adam to give me permission to talk about gameplay... Any second now...



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Aw, ok we're good. Thank you Adam.

The gameplay's super fun. The targeting system is different (if any of you nerds out there have played Shadow the Hedgehog, it feels a lot like that. 'Cept better), but it still works. It's third person mostly, with random little bits of first thrown in there. It was kind of weird actually. But whatev. My only guff is that it went from super easy to fetchin' hard way to fast. I mean, here I am just walking along when HOLY CRAP THERE'S A GIANT WORM THING AND IT POPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND ATE ME!!! And then I died.

What was that Adam? Oh, that's right- I don't have permission to write in all caps. Sorry. Can I do it now? No??

That's my other guff- I felt like in some parts you had to die in order to get a feel for what was going on. Which is kinda' dumb if you ask me.

There were a lot of moments of me yelling at my sister to fire-up the walkthrough and read to me how to beat all the bosses. And I mean a lot of moments. Because there were a lot of bosses. (Just ask her- I think she's emotionally scarred, poor thing.)

So, what am I getting at? All other complaints aside, the game is legitimately fun to play. Just, you know... keep the internet handy...

So... do I have your permission to talk about weapon upgrades Adam? No? That's cool... I'll just wait...

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Oh, now I do?

I understand why they made weapon upgrades unusable as opposed to being conveniently nonexistant like in other games (Samus can only trip and misplace her plasma beam so many times). But couldn't they have done a better job? Take this actual scene for example:

Samus: Wow, I've died like, five time from drowning in lava. Too bad there isn't any sort of upgrade to help me withstand heat.

Later...

Samus: Wow, I've been shooting these flame-shooting aliens a long time. Too bad there isn't any sort of upgrade to help me withstand heat.

Later...

Samus: Wow, the lava level is rising really fast! I might die if I get caught in it. Too bad there isn't any sort of upgrade to help me withstand heat.

Giant flame-spurting lava monster appears.

Adam: Samus- quick! I'm authorizing use of your super awesome heat resistant suit!

Samus: Oh, Adam- you're my hero!

Shauntel: *facepalm*

I might've paraphrased a bit.

That's where all my problems with the game stem from- Adam "Douchebag" Malkovitch. (That, and Samus freaking out when she sees Ridley, but that's a whole different can of worms.) And the way he turns the galaxy's most feared/respected bounty hunter into a bullied housewife. It's embarrassing.

You can tell the game programmers weren't aiming for this. He's supposed to come off as noble and somewhat parental (Samus, in one of her many inner-monologues, comments on how she viewed him as a father... *cue possible Electra-complex*). I can totally see how that might've happened. But, they failed miserably and he's just a jerk instead.

If this were a movie, it would suck. If there were no dialogue, it would be amazing. I'm torn on my overall opinion as a result. I just think that-

Oh, what was that Adam? I don't have your permission? This is why we're friends Adam- this is why we're friends.*
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My siblings later pointed this comic out to me:

Click to enlarge

Credit goes to Brawl in the Family for summing up my point perfectly.

*This is why I didn't cry when you died Adam- this is why I didn't cry.
*sigh* But then we all know how well people stay dead in these sort of games...