Book Review: Breaking Dawn

*Note, this entire review is filled to the brim with spoilers. It was simply unavoidable. As a result, I'm warning you now.*

During this book, each of the major characters changes into something they probably didn't really imagine themselves becoming. For example, Bella Swan becomes a necrophiliac. Jacob Black becomes a pedophile. Edward Cullen becomes a pimp.

THE BASICS: Our favorite hybrid couple tie the knot within one hundred pages of the book's beginning. Most lame romances end there. But no, "Breaking Dawn" chose to be special and drag on for another 500 pages- none of which included anything even remotely important. It's the equivalent of crashing your car and then being forced to stay in it as it catches on fire and slowly burns you.

This book is ridiculous. Instead of reviewing it intelligently and properly, I'm just going to give a list of some of the more stupid events that occur...

-Bella gets pregnant
-The baby, when born, is named Renesmee
-Jacob falls in love with the baby
-Bella, when finally vamped, has no struggle whatsoever with controlling her thirst for blood
-The baby grows ultra fast, is super smart, has superpowers, is illegally beautiful, and is absolutely perfect in every single fricken way
-The Volturi (the self-proclaimed rulers of Sparkleville, left previously unmentioned because I assumed them mostly unimportant) come to destroy the baby so the Cullens gather up all their glittering friends and neighbors and prepare for battle...
-...a battle which never actually occurs
-Bella's vampire superpower is, of course, the most powerful ability of all - a completely impenetrable psychic shield that she can make grow and shrink at will
-Everybody lives happily ever freaking after

And yes, these events are all completely accurate. I swear, I did not embellish in the least.

THE CHARACTERS: These people continue to get stupider and stupider. Even the redeemable ones were ruined. That's all I can say in decent company.

TECHNICAL STUFF: The book is divided into three books. The first and third are narrated by Bells. The second is narrated by Jacob, which I say was a fine change of pace. He is, at that time, still uncorrupted by his embarrassingly creepy attachment to his ex-girlfriend's daughter, as the baby was not yet born. But even so, his snarky attitude could only help a bad plot so much.

Also, the foreshadowing was terrible. At the beginning, Swan Princess starts having weird dreams about vampire babies and then goes off on a 10-15 page explanation about where she heard about them and where they came from and what was done to destroy them. Talk about subtle.

THE THEME: I... don't actually know... not that I especially want to...

OVERALL: This book was bad. Actually, it was beyond bad. It was completely awful. Don't ever for any reason read it. Or, for that matter, any of it's predecessors. Because this is where they all inevitably lead. It's not worth your time or your brain cells.

GRADE: F

Questions? Comment? Seriously, I want to hear them!

Book Review: Eclipse

This book succeeds in many ways the previous books fail. There is action and a bit of suspense and all the excitement isn't saved until ending. Unfortunately for it, in other ways the previous books failed, this book fails on even worse. And yes, their are a few mild spoilers coming up.

THE BASICS: If you thought Bella Swan was clingy to her leech boyfriend before, then wow, are you going to be impressed to what lengths she goes to to stay with him in this book. Does she cling to him during potentially dangerous "how to kill newborn vampires" training? Of course! Does she remove him from his family during a fierce battle in which they need as many people on their side as possible? Heck yeah! Does she have him follow her to the bathroom? Probably!

But oh no, it's not just Edward she's clinging to. Now she also wants Jacob, her werewolf notboyfriend who adores her and worships the ground she walks on just like everyone else! But oh, woe is her, because she can't decide between the two of them.

*Spoilers* But in other, more exciting news, Victoria (remember her? she was from like, two books ago and then pretty much forgotten about), the vampire who's mate Edward killed in "Twilight", is coming back for revenge. And she's got a whole team of fresh, newly-created on her side. But then of course the entire battle sequence is ruined by Bella's bad narration so that pretty much kills it. *End Spoiler*

THE CHARACTERS: The beings in this book are pretty much as lame and Sue-ish as ever. Jacob however, as it also was in previous books, is the book's one saving grace. His snarky personality and immature insights make him the only realistic person in this book's entire universe.

Also, Edward is as controlling and "perfect" as ever and Bella is still retarded. And the other characters, of which there are, I swear, at least a billion, are still unimportant.

TECHNICAL STUFF: I have nothing new to say on this subject. Except perhaps that the writing style might be getting worse.

THE THEME: It's the same as in "Twilight" really. It's supposedly about true love conquering all but all I got was more angsty teenagers being angsty. *Spoiler* Also, there's a part neat the end where Bella's about to sacrifice herself to distract the bad vamps to save her favorite discoball. But instead of being written as courageous and heroic, it written as your basic suicidal teen being dumber than usual. *End Spoiler*

OVERALL: Bleh and more bleh. And snore. Seriously, I feel like I've read this before. Oh wait, I have. It's called "Twilight", you know, the first book in the series? They're basically exactly the same. This is where the series started dragging, so I stopped being quite as neutral in my opinion of it.

GRADE: D

I love it when book stores make mistakes...

So about a week ago, just a few days before my choir trip (which I will write about soon), I pre-ordered a book online which was due to be released on the 21st, aka tomorrow. Well, it came last Saturday, the 18th. Now, this may seem insignificant, but I'd been looking forward to this book for quite some time, so I was pretty happy about the whole ordeal.

Sadly, I finished the book by Sunday...

Anyway, that was pretty random, but I just had to share it. And yes, I'll probably review this one eventually.

My Choir Field Trip!

So tomorrow I'm leaving on my choir field trip! And it's going to be totally awesome!! And as you can tell by the excessive amounts of exclamation points, I'm ecstatic!

Basic rundown of what will be occurring:

We'll be traveling all day tomorrow...
We'll be going to Disneyland on Thursday...
We're going to the beach on Friday and then participating in a competition...
And then we're going home on Saturday.

So yeah, I'm pretty much excited.