'Cause I Saw Eclipse

K, I'm about to make a blasphemous statement, so just hold on to your seats alright peeps?

*deep breath* Well... I saw Eclipse... See, now I should just leave it at that and just let you assume the laughs but yeah, okay, that's not exactly fair now is it?

Okay... I can do this. I'd appreciate it if you didn't hate me for this...

Well... Eclipse wasn't really...

Dang, this is more difficult than I thought.

*'nother deep breath* It wasn't that bad.

Woosh, alright. Okay, okay, yes I know, the horror. But, I'm not going to lie and say it was apocalypticly bad when it wasn't.

Now was it good? You'd have to be a fan of the genre to think that. And I'm not. So no, my biased opinion claims nay, but it wasn't painful to watch or anything. How about this: It was decent.

Fair enough?

Now, hold your tomatoes and let me explain why I think this. There were a lot of things about Eclipse the book that I disliked. Lots of random, going nowhere plot points, characters I didn't care about, and, to be perfectly honest, blatant sexism in a few places. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Well, the director of Eclipse must've agreed with me, because he took those things and either quietly did away with them or changed them so they weren't so stupid. For example, *for anyone who actually cares, there's a SPOILER ahead* near the end of the book, Edward and Seth (some werewolf punk) are facing off with an evil vampire who wants to kill Bella. Seth apparently gets injured and things aren't looking so hot for our favorite sparklepire so Bella decides to be all noble and distract the evil vampire by stabbing herself in the heart and letting the blood drive the vampire nuts. if I'm remembering this correctly (I mean, when did I last read the book?) she's stopped somehow, evil vampire dies anyway, and the world is happy. Later, Edwardo gets all PO'd at her and says that Seth was only feigning injury or something and that he himself was fine and she was being stupid and yada yada yada. So, to summarize, Bells (although she approaches it wrong) decides to be useful, and gets blasted for it. The entire scene was useless- it built up to something that didn't actually happen...

In the movie, same scene happens however, Bella is smart and realizes that in cutting yourself, you don't actually have to die, so she cuts her arm instead (she's not stopped, since Edward's in a bit of a scrape), thus distracting the not-so-nice but still sparkly vampire and allowing Edward to remove her of her head. So, same scene, just... smart? Oh yeah, and she doesn't get yelled at for it later either.

Jacob is kind of a tool, but he was a tool in the book too (a distinct contrast from his personality in the second one where he was a goober, but a harmless one- a sign of bad writing indeed) so I can't really fault anyone for that. To be quite frank, in regards to the little love triangle between Edward, Bella, and Jacob, I don't think Bella should have picked either of them. One's a depressing control freak and the other one's a prick. (Seriously, when I guy takes out the engine of your car to prevent you from seeing someone, that really ought to raise a red flag.)

But was it horrible? No, not at all. It was alright. It took the idea of the book, removed all the crap, added a few jokes, and converted it into a movie that won't make your eyes bleed. It was easily better than it's predecessors (not that that's hard, although New Moon wasn't completely awful either, it was just lame) and, although I probably won't watch it again, I can't quite fault anyone for liking it.

Breaking Dawn? Now that I'm excited for. Seriously, that book was bad. I mean, really bad. I'm hoping for a few unintentional laughs if that's-

Wait, it's being directed by Bill Condon? That same guy who did Dreamgirls and Chicago?! Both of which won several Academy Awards?!?!

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, they're copying Harry Potter 7 and splitting it into two movies?

But, but, but, but- WHY???

Nevermind. Not excited. Goodbye.