I guess sparkles can be good...

Oh goodness dearie me, I'm back from my blogging hiatus! 'Cause let me tell you, doing two plays in a row (South Pacific, followed immediately by Annie) can really suck the life out of ya. And then, low and behold, I got sick. Seriously, who does that?

Anyway, it's Spring Break, and I now have something commonly referred to as "time". This is actually quite an anomaly for me, so I've decided to just sorta ease into it. But in celebration of this newly discovered "time", I decided to actually blog about something.

Namely, that fact that I TOTALLY SAW THE NATIONAL TOUR OF CATS THE MUSICAL AND IT WAS ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL!!!

*clasps hand over mouth*

*cough cough* Excuse me; brief moment of insanity now over. *shudders* That was weird.

Anyway, the show was awesome in case you hadn't already gathered. I didn't love the vocalists as much as I would have preferred to, (they were still very good however) and the dancing and music was spectacular. Admittedly, I tend to hold an aversion to sparkly beings,

but Mistoffelees was, hands down, my favorite.

Then again, I'm pretty sure he always has been. Anyway, Growltiger and Griddlebone in all their operatic glory were both a close second,
and the fact that that the number isn't in the movie still continues to tragify me.

Remember when I saw Phantom of the Opera? Well this was better. Wicked? Not so sure, but it was definitely its equal, possibly superior. Either way though, Cats was spectacular.

(On a funny note, the fire alarm went off near the end of the first act. It was a false alarm, probably triggered by the fog machine, but it probably couldn't have come at a worse time. I mean, here comes Grizabella, about to sing the only song you've ever heard of from this musical, Memory, and then there's this obnoxious mechanical voice in the background telling you to get the heck out of the theater. Lovely. Aw well, like I said, the show was still terrific.)

















...












Ha!

And you thought I was going to talk about Cats and not mention the Rum Tum Tugger. You're so silly, you actually thought I was going to behave all mature like. Ha and double ha!

Although not my favorite representation of him (no one beats the gorgeousness that is John Partridge, ever), the guy was still great. Hilarious too. Mom's gaydar went off, but surprisingly mine didn't, but that's probably because I'd read in the program that the guy, Adam Steiner was his name, was married. To a girl. Which, quite frankly, kinda' makes him a freak of nature. I'm mean, who ever heard of a straight guy playing the Rum Tum Tugger?



I mean really.

Random Blurb: Fan Fiction - Part 2

...and three hours had gone by.

I was shocked to say the least. "Have I really," I thought to myself skeptically, "spent three hours of my valuable life reading fan fiction?"

Yes, yes I had.

And it's not like I could tell anybody about it. I mean, you don't tell people that you've been reading fan fics all day.

Random Friend: Hey, Shauntel! What have you been up to lately?

Me: Oh, the usual. Just browsing Fanfiction.net.

Random Friend: *Blank stare*

You might just find your social life falling into Sturgeon's Law.

Anyway, so here I am, having just realized I've wasted three hours on this stupid website. In most situations, I would politely bid farewell and do something useful, like watch The Onion or something. But let me tell you, fan fiction is not most situations. I don't even think is has a situation category. 'Cause you wanna know what I did? I kept reading.

You. can't. stop.

It's physically impossible, unless you're forcefully repelled by some outside source, such as your sister telling you the cat broke his leg or your date's gonna be there in like five minutes and you're still wearing your pajamas or something. Not that I would know from experience or anything.

So you're probably thinking, "Come on Shauntel, three hours? How could you possibly read badly written stories for three hours? And then not stop?" I'll tell you why. Because at this very moment, at 2:26 PM on whatever day I wrote this (you'll never know), there are 14, 847 fics in the Legend of Zelda category.

That's a lot of crap to sift through guys.

Now, most people would be thinking at this point, "Geez, maybe I should be learning something from Shauntel's example..." But for those of you who are slow learners like myself, I've decided to compile a list of a few of the more popular types of fan fics you would encounter if you were to take on such a harrowing journey too. It might save you some time:

Drabbles- A "story" that's less than 1000 words. Occasionally 100. These make up approximately 98.4% of everything you'll find on fanfiction.net, but are usually combined with other "genres" for sanity. They usually consist of some random thought some random character had or will have during some random moment. If it's written in 1st person, you may not even find out the identity of the character, you just have to sort of assume. I often wonder if these aren't just randomly copied and pasted into different story categories. Because frankly, no one would actually know.

Death Fics- These serve pretty much no purpose except to kill off some supposedly beloved character, at least by the author's viewpoint, and watch everyone mope around and cry. Angst angst angst. Also, some "I loved him/her so much but I never knew it until now" will commonly follow, even if the pair is canonically incompatible. If the character isn't as loved as the author assumes, much rejoicing will ensue from the audience.

Crack Fic- A story that could only have been conceived if the author were on crack. Seriously. This is the story about how the Baudelaire orphans totally teamed up with Rorschach and totally took on Hitler, who had kidnapped the Fairly Odd Parents and stolen their magic powers and totally zaps everyone back in time to when there were dinosaurs and then these aliens totally stole their brains and-
Yeah, you get the picture. Like I said before, check out the X-Over section. Its... well it isn't boring.

Romance Fic- Do I really have to explain what this is to you? The title pretty much tells all. Two characters fall in love. And the author explains how. Happily ever after, the end. Usually this follows the canon, meaning the characters were already destined from the start, but shipping wars* can still start.

Slash Fic- Although technically a subset of the previous genre, this type is so popular I simply had to separate it. A slash fic is when two characters of the same gender, 99.9% of the time male, fall in love. Pending the canon, this is usually followed by denial, angst, then a magically happy ending. And anyone who would stand in their way ( previous love interests, parents, there's always someone) are promptly disposed of.

There. I think you're ready. Baby steps first.

So although that doesn't actually conclude my journey, that's the basic gist of it. Sorry to end so quickly but my email just informed me that a new Wicked fanfiction has been added.

Can't. not. click. on. link.

*To ship means to be in full support of a particular romantic pairing within a story universe. A shipping war is when these fans duke it out of the internet and totally bad talk the other one's pairing. Hilarity ensues.

Random Blurb: Fan Fiction - Part 1

(If you're unfamiliar with the term, do watch this video:

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail188.html

I think it sums it up pretty well.)

But for those of you who do know, I think we can all join together and scream in unison. Let's begin now...



















Keep on going...




















Just let all those pent up feelings out...

























K, you can stop now.

But seriously, shudder inducing. My goodness, the things I do for you people. I mean, here I am, innocently trying to rack out my brains in an attempt to write about something remotely hilarious when the thought pops in: fan fiction. It gets a pretty bad rap right? Maybe something humorous could be found in there.

Also, I admit it, my own curiosity fueled it somewhat too. I mean, it couldn't be that bad, right?

Ugh, my own naivety kills me at times. I mean, just... wow. Just wow.

But okay, lets be fair. Sturgeon's Law, which basically states that 90% of everything is crap, still applies. That means that every so often you can dig through said pile of crap and find the occasional gleaming, and well-received gem that is not pure suckary. There are some fan fictions that are actually (can't believe I'm saying this...) kind... of............. *deep breath* good. There I said it. There were an amazing few that were great and perhaps even better than the original show/book/whatever thing they were based on.

But they were few and far between! My goodness gracious, you would not believe the idiocy that gets "published". I could seriously feel my brain cells slowly melting. The grammar nut inside me now has clinical depression. And I just felt.... dumb.

Anyway, so I, having decided to undertake this hopeless quest, ventured straight into the black heart of all fan fics:

*kindly say the next phrase with an evil, creepy voice*

Fanfiction.net. Muhahaha!

*Shudders* Anyway, there was so much to see! So many genres to peruse, so many stories to read! And I tell you, they have everything. Everything. You want superheros? There's a whole comic book section. Animaniacs? Take a gander under the link titled "Cartoons". Ya want Winnie-the-Pooh teams up with Mulder and Scully and battles against the Wizard of Oz? Do check out the "X-over" section on your way out. It's quite a treat, I assure you.

I headed straight over to the video game section of course, and the section titled "Zelda" almost immediately caught my attention. And once I got there, I had an array of specifications I could make. I could set the rating, length, genre, even characters I wanted to see.

And so, I began. I read, laughed, marveled at the stupidity, and various variations of those things. I took a glance at the clock...

...and three hours had gone by.

*Stay tuned for the rest of the adventure in Part 2*

Up there on the "Bestest Updates Evar!" list...

I sincerely apologize for my unexplained leave of absence. You know how some people do "research" before writing something funny/useless? Well, I decided to try that out and have had some... humorous results. You'll get that update soon enough.

But I'm also lazy. That's not really a secret.

Anyway, things have been cool. I've been seeing a boatload of live plays lately. Seriously. I mean, just this last weekend, I saw this hilarious spoof-melodrama called "Because Their Hearts Were Pure", an adorable version of "Robin Hood", and...

*Drum roll ensues*

Phantom of the Opera at Gammage!

And, let me tell you, it was AMAZING!

Oh goodness it was incredible. I could rant about it all day, but I'll spare you. There's more important things to be done.

Random Blurb: Childhood Crushes

Aw young love. It really is rather sweet at times. That doesn't mean I can't still make fun of it.

I was babysitting once for four little girls, aged from 6 months to nine years old. Their obsession with certain male Disney Channel Starz unknown to me, I made the unfortunate mistake of showing them IMDB.com, which is, for those who may not know, a site that has details and pictures for pretty much every celebrity to grace the screen. I was promptly shoved aside as they looked up Joe Jonas, Zac Efron, and others along that same line. They literally, and I'm serious, screamed when they saw them. (Including the baby, but I don't think that had anything to do with translucent, nasally-voiced male pop "singers".)

My point is, I don't get it. Seriously I don't. Maybe I was just some sort of dud who's first real crush came in the 8th grade. Am I the weird one?

The elder of my younger sisters has fallen prey to this phenomena as well, (Hopefully she isn't reading this right now...) albeit not with Disney Starz, thank goodness. Naw, she focuses on real boys.

(I won't elaborate further on that subject. I don't want to wish certain death upon myself just yet.)

I suppose I am being somewhat hypocritical. I guess I did have somewhat of a celebrity "crush" at about age four. However, for me, a "crush", if that's what is was, consisted of me thinking not that the individual was "cute" but "cool". I didn't want to meet him, I wanted to be him. Emulate him.

Looking back at my own naivety, I now see the irony of this philosophy...



Look, I was FOUR! I didn't understand the disturbingly lurid overtones! I just thought he had a cool costume!

And, if I might retain some dignity by the end of this post, I hold that John Partridge still sings better than Joe Jonas.

So there.

Yet Another "I'm Not Dead" Update...

Yeah, I really got nothin' to say. I mean, Fall Break, but whatever. I guess that fact that it ends on Tuesday is lame.

That's all.

Book Review: Capt Hook

Prequels are becoming rather popular aren't they? Especially ones not written by the original author. Nine times out of ten, they're boring, read like fan fiction, and are just generally horrible.

Sorry to disappoint the fans of the reviews of horrible books, but this was the exception.

THE BASICS: Our story begins with a fifteen year old James Matthew, illegitimate son of Lord "B", as he is only known to us as, leaving for Eton, a rather prestigious school. He's as cocky and proud as a young man can get, having perfect confidence in himself and in his plans, whether that be winning a "wall game", kidnapping a Sultana or initiating a mutiny on his own father's ship. And yet despite what you might thing about Hook-to-be...

THE CHARACTERS: ...he never comes off as obnoxious or annoying. Which is so appreciated. Spoiled protagonists spoil the show. Instead, he has to work hard and suffer for his mistakes. But he refuses to ever give up and surrender is never an option. He's not a bad guy, but he's certainly not a good one either.

TECHNICAL STUFF: There's several instances of violence, gore, and terror that could have very well been exploited and blown out of proportion. But our lovely author, J V Hart, has intelligently remembered that Peter Pan was a children's book, and so, this must be too. His writing style is humorous and frank, but he graciously skims over the more disturbing details while still keeping up with the mischievous tone.

(FYI I'm as much a fan of horror novels as the next person, my favorite book is Hannibal afterall, but not in kid's books. Excessive violence probably shouldn't be there.)

THE THEME: "Never give up" certainly sounds cheesy, but I suppose that really is what this book is all about.

OVERALL: I seriously love this book. I think I say that a lot, but I really do. Love this book I mean. What do I love about it? I love the details, I love the characters, I love the intelligent* foreshadowings and references to it's predecessor it presents, and, most of all, I love the story. It's just so different. Just, wow. Go read it.

GRADE: A

Would I let my sister read it? Yes
Would I let my cousin read it? Most certainly, I'll be recommending it to him actually.
Would I let my dad read it? Yes

*Random note: I tell you, I'm a sucker for good forshadowing. It makes me happy. I think I shall devote an entire post to it.